there are dead in front of you, and you do not find it in yourself to feel remorse.
they do not deserve so much as the blink of an eye.
cold metal wrapped around your fingers. cold metal connected to your back, your neck, your spine, your very being trapped inside a system connecting you to a giant machine that fights and destroys and kills.
he has given you life, and your life belongs to him.
he has given you life. you have had no other reason but him.
you are not prideful. you have no pride to speak of, and you never will.
instead, you are made up of cold, calculated, wrath.
"what should i do next, orga?"
your parents were gone. you don't remember how, or why, but there are hushed whispers of death and murder. that is where you begin. that is where you will continue. you are whisked away to an orphanage and you never hear their names spoken again.
your best friend is in the form of a dark-skinned boy with wacky hair. you save his life when you are children, when a man tries to kill you both.
at the same time a gun is fired in one world of yourself, a knife is thrust in another.
"what should I do next, orga?"
a toothy grin.
"we find somewhere where we both belong, of course. we need to get far away from here, mika."
a quizzical look.
"what is that place like?"
a shrug, a flustered look.
"I dunno, but we'll find it."
you follow to the ends of the earth.
a small girl on the streets struggling for food. you ask a bakery owner to give whatever food she could to you with whatever money you had to feed her. she takes the girl in and gives her a job. she is forever indebted to you.
your bracelets are connections. a clumsy friendship bracelet made by a child who loves you. you don't really notice that, but you treasure that bracelet with all of your heart.
he makes friends within your sector. you follow him. they become friends.
one day, you stage a coup - and take over.
you want to become respectable members of society. you want to become kings.
she teaches you to read and write. a girl wanting to change the world, fighting for peace. a girl that, after you stage the coup, after you change the name of the company to something that signifies something more of your own, you are given care of.
she tries her best to understand the world that she has come to. you do not hate her for not understanding. you just find it amusing.
you take her to the farm where your atra works, with sisters of one of your friends. you teach her that things are not as easy where you have come from, that your friend's salary helps pay for the farm.
you tell her you'd like to own a farm one day. it's a much more simple life.
(kudelia aina bernstein. big eyes and innocent face, smiling. her name is kudelia.)
you, and her, and her; you are meant to be together. unified by the bracelets on your wrists.
your group grows, you become fluent in reading and writing, and you start to make an impact in the world.
you have allies and friends, companies working together to make ends meet and to make sure that you all survive.
(you are all nothing more than debris, after all. scattered about in time and space, left to survive by yourselves.)
your friends die to suits of steel and weapons, you find yourself fighting more people, but if that's what he wants you to do, then that's okay. you fight to the death for all of them.
eventually you cannot walk without being connected to the suit. you wake up without the feeling of cables and wires in your neck, and the feeling of not having them starts to become foreign.
(sometimes you wonder when you are going to die.)