kagari had absolutely no idea how to properly act at a formal party. this wasn't as formal as it probably could have been, but he knew fitzgerald--and he knew him intimately well--and knew that he was posh and lavish and an arrogant, cocky motherfucker. that being said, of course he wanted to host a gala and, frankly, it was nothing short of what kagari expected at this point. from what he'd managed to glean from their time together, this was just right up the other's alley; drinking, a social event wherein he was the host, spending as much money as possible? that all sounded like the fitzgerald he'd come to know. then again, maybe that was a little bit arrogant on kagari's part as well, seeing as how he didn't know really anything about fitz but, then again, how much did fitz know about him? he shared about as much of himself with his regular client as he did anyone else and that was mostly what you got at surface level. though fitz had the added bonus of seeing him in more vulnerable states and quite possibly more real than anyone in his entire life had seen him. he'd say a life behind bars had hardened him, and maybe it had, but he knew that he was actually just kind of insecure and confused about a lot of things and where he fit in the grand scheme of them. he wasn't likely to figure it out either, just like he wouldn't be able to figure out why fitz had wanted him here. granted, he knew he was cute, he couldn't say he looked terrible on anyone's arm, but he was far from some kind of trophy. damaged goods, maybe, but he had a personality that he knew left a lot to be desired; being cute didn't make up for the fact he was sarcastic and cynical, sometimes pessimistic, and an all around pain sometimes. not to mention, he questioned just how important he was to people all the time, especially considering he'd been just an object back home. another expendable life that would have otherwise rotted away in a cell for the rest of his foreseeable future. obviously he knew he was lucky to be free now, though he wasn't free in those terms, but able to do what he wanted and work a job of his choosing though, well, being a whore wasn't really his choice, but it wasn't terrible all things considered. there was worse shit out there, definitely. regardless, that didn't change the fact that's what he was and suddenly he was at this fancy ass party, dressed prim and proper, and trying to look good. attempting to not be embarrassing and inappropriate.
he was never really good at being around groups of people. even as a small child he'd been a bit reclusive, though friendly and far, far more innocent than he was now. kagari usually said whatever was on his mind and didn't quite care who was around to hear it. however, he didn't want to be a disappointment and he really did want to make fitz look good. that was a little easier said than done and he had to hold his tongue all too often which had lead to him being marginally quieter than he usually would be. it also meant that he was typically seen with a drink in hand or was shoving something into his mouth so he shut up and did not comment on the ironic nature of throwing a party when the weather was acting so fickle. this would be his first time experiencing this weird phenomena he'd heard about on the news—not that he watched the news, but it was on in the commons at spider silk sometimes and he caught things from time to time. vesper only had snow, and he was thankful for that, but everywhere else was getting some crazy shit. when he'd left pandora, the snow had been almost a foot high and he knew it was only going to get worse. that being said, kagari was certain that he was going to be able to get home and that he would stay here tonight; which was fine, fitz was paying for his time tonight anyway, so he was free to do what he wanted. kagari supposed it spoke volumes of his trust in this case, since he was aware that he'd be staying here and they'd be alone. then again, really, he could handle himself, but it was strange to feel comfortable enough with someone to not be on constant alert around them. but that's why crowds were bad for him. every time kagari had been in a crowd it was because he was tracking someone down and had to be wary of literally everyone around him. so, in that sense, he was still a little bit on edge and constantly on alert. this would be the first time, besides the time he spend in p2p in terminus, because that place was like another home, that he'd been around so many people at once. he'd been zoning out most of the time, stuck to fitz's side because it was where he felt safest, and barely involved in conversations he couldn't even keep up with. it took someone trying to get his attention to actually come back to the present.
kagari spent a year trying to figure other people out and he thought he was pretty good at it, so when he saw the man across from him in their little conversation circle quirk his eyebrow and regard him for a long moment, he already knew what that meant. anyone else that he may have recognized as someone he'd been paid to sleep with had the sense enough to not say anything, but the second this guy opened his mouth, kagari tensed. at least he had grace under pressure. it was four of them, not counting himself and fitz, who was busy talking to one of the women at the man's side. she was gently touching the stranger's arm in a manner that denoted some type of intimacy and that made kagari a little sick to think about. he'd been a client, kagari barely remembered him, and he only came in once or twice, but he had a cat-like gaze and was not gentle. she was laughing, a sound like fine crystal, and kagari noted he'd moved just a little bit closer to fitz's side, just barely brushing against him; he'd risen the wineglass to his lips when the man tilted his head, expression slightly smug. you work at spider silk, right? i thought i recognized you, he mused in a voice that sounded smooth but had the distinct hint of an individual that thought he was leagues above others. what's a whore doing here? the conversation around them slowed to a stop and kagari clucked his tongue, posture going rigid. "what i do on my free time is my own business," he answered calmly, fully capable of fighting his own battles. kagari could feel every warning sign going off at once when the man chuckled and tilted into the woman on his arm, grinning smugly in fitz's direction. he's giving it away for free now? aren't you lucky. kagari could feel his throat tighten in response, but he grinned in that wolfish manner of his; the expression of someone that's about to fuck shit up.
rocking back on his heels, he shrugged broadly and cheekily, "hey, its not my fault his dick's bigger than yours." there was a spark of something dark in the other's expression and kagari reveled in it. "you know how they say 'size doesn't matter' and its 'how you use it' that counts?" he chirped, now addressing the other people around them almost conspiratorially. "well, he doesn't know how to use it right either—" quickly downing the rest of his wine, he gave a mock salute, all chipper and outwardly pleased. "now, if you'll excuse me, i need another drink." spinning promptly on his heel, he settled his hand over his stomach as he quickly moved away, a burning feeling in his chest. he only vaguely knew his way around the mansion, had been here once or twice, but managed to find his way into what appeared to be an empty study. sucking in a deep breath, he flopped heavily onto the plush sofa scrubbing a hand over his face and staring hard at the ceiling. he usually didn't let shit get to him, but considering the fact he'd been trying to figure out his worth for a while now, kagari didn't really know what to think. it was a legitimate fear that he'd neve be anything but this, that he'd never be legitimately important in someone's life, and he hated to have these serious thoughts when he knew he shouldn't. groaning in annoyance, kagari pitched forward, propped his elbows on his knees, and buried his face in his hands. this was an impossible feat for him and he should never have agreed to come here.