百合 ･ ･ ･
to live is to serve
You aren't sure when exactly you came to be, you simply were. Are.
You carry the name of your creator, only to be handed down to a great swordsman. By many he is known as the leader who guided the Shinsengumi in the Meiji Restoration. He became someone you idolized, someone you wished to live up to their expectations. Your eyes were opened to the many wonders of the world; sights, smells. Trees, forests, water, rivers, oceans.
You often wondered how something could remain so beautiful yet so unknown. The depths remained a wonder to the human mind as its shores proudly lapped with the brilliant waves that swayed, lavishing the world with its splendor. The crisp, salty scent of it always reminded you of the several occasions you were blessed by its presence.
In many ways, the ocean is useful for mankind's existence.
To be useful. That is all you ever wanted. To aid in your Master's resolve, serving him, that alone became your sole purpose of being. You thought that you were enough, that you could happily provide whatever support that had been needed of you for you desired to make your Master happy.
It is where you met your partner, Izuminokami Kanesada. Kane-san. He is your superior, your mentor, your friend. You serve your Master with the utmost diligence and respect in combat, attempting to make his life easier as he rides proudly through the battlefield wielding you both at his sides.
Yet it seems the curtain of your theater draw to a close the minute you realize, Master Hijikata is no more. You can't suppress it. Those welling emotions that fill your chest, ensuring that you thoughts about yourself were nothing but true. You knew you weren't meant to be by his side, you knew that you were not strong enough.
You were nothing but one word: useless. You failed your purpose. You failed your Master and it cost him his life. You were and still are to blame, and there is nothing you and do or say to bring him back from the land that lies far beyond human rationale.
All you can do is beg for forgiveness to whatever god that decides to lend an ear. But such a grace never fell upon you. You are not one who is meant to obtain such mercy. And it is why you came to accept that those very gods you pleaded and beg to have shunned you aside.
You are not worthy. You will never be worthy. And for that you were punished. In reality, you were discarded due to a disarmament policy after the war ended which earned you a place in the vast depths you were once enraptured with. Cold. Lonely. You can't recall how long it has been, nor how long it will be.
You merely continue to exist. Rocked by the ocean waves as it endlessly flows in its rift. You never imagined how it'd come to this. All of those precious memories locked away in the back of your mind and you don't feel as if you are worthy of shedding a single tear for any of them. Resentment towards is what persists within your core, and you cannot even fathom the thought of forgiving yourself.
That is, until the words of Kanesada reaches your subconsciousness. You can hear the direct yet caring tone of voice and imagine his hand caressing your hair the same way he'd always done. He'd always reassure you that you were good enough. That your existence meant something. That you had every right to stand alongside him, arm in arm against whatever stood against you.
He is the reason why you start changing.
Kanesada became the pinnacle of hope you needed to finally overcome such overwhelming guilt. And as if the gods decided to grant you a second opportunity, your world became enveloped in light. Brilliant, warm light that cast away the shadows you had been encased within for so long. With Hijikata's death, you were relocated to a new Master. You now serve Saniwa.
To your surprise, you become reunited with Kanesada. It is a sweet but short re connection, for your Master's time is running short. You want to serve them at the best of your abilities and not repeat what happened in the past. Their goal is to correct the history by fighting The Kebiishi who are entities that aim to distort its flow. You have taken part of many missions, however, there is only one that will always stay with you.
The memory you saw Kanesada last. Rain made itself present as large, dark clouds rolled overhead with the occasional rolling thunder rumbling in its wake. Horses galloped desperately in the direction your target fled. They were determined to deter your advancement, but you weren't going to give up. Even now, Kanesada didn't stop amazing you with his skills and refinement.
And just before you get matters back into control, your carriage is nothing but debris in a blink of an eye after the enemy launched their assault. It didn't stop him. He's always one to take quick action, and when you try to follow everything shifts and melds together. You aren't sure what this feeling is, and it prevents you from moving forth.
Your eyes feel heavy while your body tumbles, causing everything to become shrouded in black. Yet again, you are surrounded by the same empty feeling you felt in the depths of the ocean. Little did you know that the minute you awoke you wouldn't be able to get back to the land you knew and came from. You now formed part of an entirely different universe and only the gods know the whereabouts of your partner once again.