you've always had to
e n d u re 🌙
if it isn't one hardship its another. if it isn't this tragedy, it is the next. one day you were just a normal girl, a fourteen year-old on her way to school, and the next you were the princess of an entire kingdom. you were a girl from the moon, the heir to a throne, and the protector of the legendary silver crystal. it isn't as if you feel no connection to this life. once you get past the confusion, the upset, the disbelief, you realize that you were put on this planet in particular for a reason. on earth, that is. not in this world of scattered sectors; you have no home here, you're missing all those pieces of your soul by being here. you're sure you're letting everyone down, as you left when they needed you most.
how much of this must you actually endure? at what point would it be wiser to give up this never-ending fight to find your friends, your soul mate, your daughter? only eighteen years old--you've been here a year already. an entire year without those close to you--and you carry the weight of your shortcomings on your shoulders. it wasn't as if you accepted your role as sailor moon without a fight. finding a talking cat, well, that sort of thing only happened in mangas and animes. turning into a magical girl? that sort of thing was fantasy. but as you stood in your room in a magical sailor suit with a talking cat that told you her name was luna, you found yourself to be part of a much bigger picture. and, from there, you must endure all the things that this new role will throw at you.
being who you are is not without its dangers. everyone, as it turns out, has it in for the legendary silver crystal. you have an entire life that you must remember but cannot. they think sailor venus is the princess of crystal tokyo, and sailor v is so cool you believe it to be true. until some part of you awakens and when you look at the overly annoying chiba mamoru, you can't help but feel that there's something important about him. you feel that about many people in this world. mizuno ami, hino rei, kino makoto, and even sailor v feels important after you've awoken as sailor moon. but you'd never imagine the stretch of their importance and you never could have imagined the depth of your own. you're just a crybaby that gets Fs in all her classes, eats too much, and is too clumsy for her own good. can you defend a world and a princess? can you protect a crystal that would one day shape this earth?
before you learn that you, tsukino usagi, are the princess everyone has been tirelessly searching for, you were a sailor senshi seeking truth and justice with the companions you've gathered. before you share that first spark with tuxedo kamen, you are just another girl looking for her fairytale prince. he's taken from you before you get to figure out just what that means and suddenly, all at once, you're the princess they're looking to protect. its in that moment that life goes from confusing to heartbreaking. from there, it is a downward spiral of pain.
you are forced, time after time, to endure heartbreak and despair. fighting beryl you lose all your friends, you lose your memories, you almost lose tuxedo mask, whom you come to learn is chiba mamoru. your life is so fully tangled in the lives of others, and all of you have connected over the years. you and the other senshi, you and mamoru, even you and chibiusa (whose dramatic entrance literally knocks you right off your feet). enduring, you fight against the forces of evil, all intent on destroying the world as you know it and, in turn, the future. your future. sometimes you wonder if you're really fighting for others or if you're fighting for yourself. you want to live, you want to experience the fate that the universe has laid out for you. you want to love, you want to experience, you want to have your family and friends, alive and healthy at your side.
you have none of that here and, perhaps, it is the hardest thing you've had to endure. you've never really been without your friends, your support system, for too long. you've always had at least someone by your side, whether it be your beloved or your very, very best friends. being alone is...lonely. the point in which you find yourself here fills you with complete and utter misery. you've seen them all fade from your existence. you've been through so much and how much more is the world going to take from you? how much can it squeeze from you? if you were the type to give up, well, it would have gotten the better of you months ago. but no, tsukino usagi does not give up. she does not surrender. tsukino usagi endures, and she does so because she has to.
you've lost and gained, maybe more so than anyone else could ever hope to know. you're still so much that excitable girl you used to be, every bit as fun-loving and playful, every bit as loving as you've always been. you're a princess and a princess must be there for her people before she is there for herself. nehelenia is the last step on the road to the unending pain that you've faced. queen beryl, the first, hits you when you're vulnerable, but with the help of your friends, you blast through her like fire through ice. the doom tree, the negamoon sisters, the negamoon clan itself, the wiseman (who corrupted your daughter and turned her against you, sent the first glimpses of motherly affection and pain through you)...there are so many adversaries standing in your way. will they end? in what world can you and your family ever find peace?
this world, it seems, is more peaceful than your own. but for how long? you're here now and, surely, all those that want to oppose you, to knock you down, to finally rip the silver crystal from your fingers, will follow. you don't even know how you got here, you don't know how to get back, and you're letting everyone down, you know it. when they needed you most, you disappeared. tears streaming down your face as you held onto rei, her body shimmering in and out of existence as she struggles to speak with you. you've been taught to endure all the slings and arrows that the misfortune of your life brings. you can't forsake your role as sailor moon, and even as you huddle on your own, sobbing and broken, you know that, like all those other times, you have to get through it. you have to find your way home, you have to find a way to fix your friends. they've always returned to you before, haven't they? so heavily entwined by the red string of fate, you hope they'll always come back to you.
as a person, you've grown. its hard not to mature, at least in some fashion, when you're on your own. you've taken up work as a vigilante, mostly focused in pandora, but slowly becoming a signature staple of this world. the magical girl with the power to clear the darkness from the light. people you fight here are...different. they aren't youkai, they are just normal for the most part. this is a very different fight and you're not sure you can handle it. perhaps you're not truly alone, as that same endearing and magnetic personality draws others to you like moths to a flame. you're thankful for their company, their love, but you wonder if you'll ever see your senshi again. if you'll ever see your baby girl. if you'll ever see your mamo-chan. anything can happen though, right? your mother told you that, not queen serenity, but your mother on earth. you can do anything you put your mind to, usagi-chan! you hope that she's right. for now, you'll do as you've always done.
you will endure.