you've always had your eyes set on power. you don't remember a time when you saw your father as someone you were not supposed to overcome one day. it was your goal, the only other thing that meant something to you other than being a powerful demon. you didn't want to be like your father; you wanted to be better, stronger than your father.
you especially didn't want to be like your father when he started behaving foolishly, spending more and more time with humans that a demon should ever have without killing them. that kind of weakness was unwanted, and you couldn't understand why no matter how many times you turned it over in your head. what was the purpose of being around humans so much? they were nothing, meant nothing, weren't enough strong enough most of the time to not be killed by you in one single movement. why did your father wish to be around a human woman? it had nothing to do with your mother or anything like that. you didn't care if your parents wished to be together or not, and you absolutely did not wish to spend more time with your mother than necessary, helped by the fact that - after a while - you just stopped seeing her as much until you could count the time apart in years. you didn't like being around your mother so it meant nothing to you that she wasn't around. you were sesshoumaru, and you did not need parents around to hold your hand like you were a child. you've never once felt that weak in your entire life.
the day your father died was the most angry you can ever remember being. too much happened on that day, the birth of an impure child, human and demon and worthless, the disappointment in knowing that your father was too weak at that moment to keep himself alive. knowing that, in the end, your father picked some human and a disgusting, half-breed infant over you. you know that, had he not chosen to protect them, he would have made it out alive and well, likely would have never been there to be a target in the first place. you felt all the more angrier knowing that you never had gotten the chance to prove yourself by defeating him in battle at least once. you only needed once. it never happened. you were never going to get that chance. you were never going to know if you were stronger than your father or not. it made your blood boil just thinking about it, how someone as great as him was killed for worthless reasons and worthless humans. that anger never left you really, even though you stuffed it down, more determined than ever to prove that you were in fact better, more powerful than your father or any other demon who dared to try an fight you. you honestly didn't even need to prove it; it was the truth, a fact that caused deniers to meet their death earlier than they might have had they never crossed your path.
your anger and confusion only became worse when the sword smith your father entrusted to make the strongest sword you've ever seen - tesseiga - didn't give you that very sword according to your father's wishes. instead, you were given tenseiga, a sword that could not cut. what was your father thinking? giving you this piece of junk rather than tesseiga, the sword you truly wanted? you didn't want a sword that couldn't cut down an enemy. you didn't need a sword that was for healing, not destruction. you couldn't understand his thinking at all. and he was dead so you couldn't ask. you kept the tenseiga at your side regardless. even if you didn't want it, it did belong to your father.
after that, you sought out to claim tenseiga as your own. father might not have left it to you personally, but that didn't mean you couldn't have it regardless. it took a long time, but you found a way, and you also ended up with a companion of sorts in the process. jaken. you did need him in a way to help guide you to where father had hidden the tenseiga. he followed you loyally from the start, and there were times when you might have wanted to kill him, either for being too loud or you were just tired of hearing him speak, but you didn't. he had a use for you, and you didn't throw things away like that if you still needed them for something. he would be part of you getting the power you craved; that was enough to keep him around.
how surprising it was for the sword to be left with inuyasha, your half-breed brother. the two of you had met before you had confronted him for tenseiga. you couldn't stand being around him; he was too weak to put up a proper fight, and you had no respect whatsoever for beings born of both human and demon blood. then again, it wasn't like you respected a whole lot of full-blooded demons either, your father probably being the only one that you acknowledged as being strong and worth more than what he ended up getting. you fought inuyasha to claim tesseiga as yours at last, but all you got in the end was your arm being cut off in the process.
you couldn't give it up. your arm might have been gone, but that didn't mean a thing. you were still sesshoumaru. you were still strong, and you were never known for quitting anything in your entire life. it was then that you first met naraku, a demon who offered you aid yet ended up deceiving you. had he not offered to help you claim tesseiga, you would have had nothing to do with him whatsoever. you could smell that he was a half-breed from the start, a fact that made you not want to deal with him in the first place. the offer of being able to wield the tesseiga, though, was too tempting. but if there's one thing you hate, it's being played with. the confrontation you had with inuyasha didn't end much better than it did the first time, and you could only conclude that getting help from naraku was useless, especially after your replacement arm ended up dissolving after a while, a trap to try and kill you most likely. you didn't like that naraku thought he could mess with you like this. you wanted to kill him. you've killed for less so it wasn't a problem.
failure is not a thing you're accustomed to. you don't accept it no matter how many times it happens, so when you end up hurt by inuyasha more than you ever have been, you just rest yourself, let yourself heal whilst you think. this was the third time you'd tried to get the tesseiga from inuyasha, and - again - it hadn't worked out in your favor. you wanted a strong sword so badly, not the useless piece of metal still at your side that couldn't do anything. you've only ever drawn tenseiga a handful of times since you first receive it. nothing ever came from it, which made it all the more disappointing and frustrating. you feel like your father might have lost his mind at some point to do this to you. still, you were just as determined as ever to get a sword worthy of being wielded by you.
why this happened you have no idea, but a young human girl kept coming to you no matter how much you tried to dissuade her from coming to you. there was nothing she could give to you of any worth, and you made that very clear from day one, yet she kept coming back, trying to feed you or some such. were you not so weak and injured, you would have picked yourself up and left, but you needed time to heal and think about your next move. it didn't matter what she did as you were going to leave at some point and you would never see her again. it's exactly as you thought it would be, because you did eventually leave without giving much thought to the human girl. she hadn't come to see you that day, but it didn't matter. you were leaving. still, something in you made you stop when you smelled her blood in the air. blood, and the scent of wolves mixed in. she was dead by the time you found her, bitten into by wolves and laying prone on the ground. you expected to never see her again. you never thought she would die. had you still been here, she might not have died.
tenseiga pulsed at your side, calling to you, and you stopped. you were curious. tenseiga had never reacted like this before, more like a dead weight that you were carrying around than anything substantial. you’ve thought about just throwing it away countless times; it was a useless piece of metal that did absolutely nothing for you. and if it hadn’t come from your father, you would not have kept it for this long. yet now it called to you, asking to be used on the girl. why now of all times you were unsure, but you wanted to see what would happen, just to be sure. you had no use for a sword that couldn’t cut anything down. if nothing happened, it would be typical of tenseiga and no loss on your part. the girl was already dead regardless, had been long before you’d even found her laying still and bloody in the dirt.
she wakes up. as if nothing had ever happened to her. like she hadn’t just been killed by a pack of bloodthirsty wolves.
the young girl - rin - follows you after that. you can't say having a human by your side is easy, and jaken isn't too happy with it, not like he has any say over it anyway. you allowed her to follow you, allowed her to address you as sesshoumaru-sama and she never once seemed afraid of you for some reason, no matter how many times you showed off your strength. she stuck by your side, and keeping her safe became an instinct for you. you can't say you've done that for anyone, save jaken, but you did it anyway. she was a human, and a child at that, someone would have tried to keep her safe regardless, but the task landed on you, and you took it without thinking much of it. tenseiga wanted rin to be saved, so there must have been a reason for it. you saved her again and again, from naraku - who used her to have an edge up on you - and even from herself, because she was just a child and didn't know any better sometimes from what you could see.
still, nothing could stop you from seeking out power, whether it be through the sword known as toukijin - even if it ended up breaking after a while - or even your own mother. you hadn't seen her in years, and it didn't look like she'd changed very much at all, which was annoying in its own right. you needed something, you needed power and you didn't mind going to hell to get it. you never expected rin to die while you were there, though, die for a second time and unable to be revived again. you were shaking beneath your skin, your blood in a rage as you held her dead body practically in the same way as you did when you first brought her back from the underworld. you had never really thought about what you would do if she died; you were so focused on other things. focused on killing naraku once and for all for tricking you and generally being a stain on the world. focused on gaining the power needed to show how strong you truly were. focused on too many things that didn't really have her in the picture. it seemed almost foolish for you to think that she would just be around long enough for all this to happen, yet here she was. dead. there was nothing you could do about it. you grit your teeth, angry at yourself for doing this to her, angry about her being dead, just angry at everything.
you didn't want power if it meant losing rin. but your mother brought her back to life, though it would never happen again. that was fine. you were ready to make sure that she would never die again. you had never felt an emotion like this, especially towards a human, but you could only say that you cared about what happened to rin, cared about something else other than your search for power. you couldn't imagine not having rin by your side, which was odd in and of itself, but it wasn't something you had to think about right then. there was still naraku to deal with, and though you were going to be more careful about it, you still needed more strength in order to take him out for good. at first, you thought it would be through the tenseiga, which finally could be used for attacking rather than just healing. part of you still wanted the tesseiga, even though you hadn't gone after inuyasha for it in a long time. you wanted to have that piece of father for yourself, and you couldn't understand why he would give it away. you still couldn't understand it even when you gave tesseiga up, gave up its attacking power, but you no longer wanted the tenseiga for yourself anymore. this change in you felt so against the demon you were from the start, but that didn't change the fact that you didn't need tesseiga. you could be strong without it. you could be strong with bakusaiga and your arm regrown. you finally had what you really wanted for your entire life, and for once you felt like you could let your father go, just a little bit, just enough that you wouldn't be angry all the time about his death. you still weren't very fond of him having a child with a human woman, but it was too late for those kinds of thoughts now.
the final confrontation with naraku was a long one. you kept going despite how much was thrown at you, unwilling to let him - or anyone else for that matter - to have an edge on you, and you had decided that, with bakusaiga at your side, that you were not going to let him get out alive. you had never planned on working together with inuyasha and his band of friends, and you wouldn't call it working together in the slightest, you just wanted naraku dead and you weren't going to let him escape this time. despite you not willing to call it cooperation on your part, naraku finally dead, but you had little time to relish in the victory. the human girl that was with inuyasha - kagome - disappeared, and so did you, in a way.
it happened in the blink of an eye, practically instantaneous. you were in your own world, and then suddenly you weren't. you were in an unfamiliar place, alone, and with no idea what had even happened to bring you here. was it another one of naraku's tricks? was this were kagome had been taken to if that was the case? jarring was the least descriptive way to put it. you felt that anger bubble up within you, but you suppressed it. you still had bakusaiga and the tenseiga, you were still alive, you were just alone, in a completely different place than what you had known. something like this was nothing that you, sesshoumaru, couldn't handle. you traveled for a while, since you had nothing better to do, and looking for a way back was better than being sedentary and waiting for something to happen. you were never the type to wait around uselessly, and the world you were in - elysion - was big enough that you were sure you would find a way out eventually. for a bit, you almost regretted giving the tenseiga's power to inuyasha, unable to use the portal it made to try and find your way back, but that most likely would not have worked in your favor. it was just a thought, one that barely lasted for a couple seconds in fact, and you were over it.
you did end up meeting kagome here as well, and you can't say that you wanted to stick close to her at all, even in a new world where she was the only person you recognized. she was inuyasha's; only a fool wouldn't be able to tell that. yet she was persistent - she always had been, almost foolishly so, and she clung to you regardless of how much you didn't want her around. or rather, regardless of how much you barely responded to her words or acted like you had better things to do than spend time with her, even if she wanted to for some reason. you never outright told her to leave you alone, though, no matter how many times she showed up in front of you. rin liked her, and she would have most likely said something to you about being rude to kagome for no reason. you became used to seeing her after a while as her visits became more and more frequent, the smell of inuyasha on her slowly faded away over time. there were times when you wondered if she was just sticking to you because of inuyasha, in some odd way. you were never good at being able to read human's more subtle emotions, but you were sure that inuyasha might have had something to do with it, knowing kagome, even as little as you did.
you never expected having kagome around would change anything between you the two of you. you have no idea how, no matter how many times she asked about it, but you came to care for her, little by little, just like you did for rin. you didn't treat her much differently than normal, but you were aware of her in some form or another, perhaps too aware if your current stasis with her was anything to go by.
love wasn't something you needed or wanted. people always seemed to love you much more than you loved them, which wasn't a lot because there were very few things you could say you even liked, much less loved. you wouldn't say that you had fallen for kagome, not out loud, and even then you were unsure how it even happened to start with. your touch became soft when it came to her, much softer than how you'd ever handled rin, and you had to think for a long time about what it even meant, what exactly you were feeling. you were sesshoumaru, and you were not a demon who could love. except you did, though you never said the word itself out loud really. she was the only thing you knew here and you grew into wanting to protect her. you never expected those feelings to be reproached. after a while, you knew that inuyasha had feelings for her, and the way she called for him when he was in danger spoke the same, returned those feelings out loud for everyone to hear. she was the one who came out with it first, to say that she loved you, and you still don't really understand it or how it happened, but it did.
sometimes, you just let things happen. you let jaken continue to follow you even when his usefulness has run out. you let rin follow you even when you were beginning to think that she shouldn't, that she was better off with humans instead, though you would have left that choose up to her when she knew better, was old enough to make that kind of decision whilst knowing what it would mean for her and her own life.
you let kagome fall in love with you. and you continued to let her love you.